Forlorn
by TsukiNoKishi
Summary: A collection of fragments from Sephiroth's forgotten childhood and adolesence  Rating may change.


**A/N: **I started writing this story when I started wondering about Sephiroth's childhood and various events that happened through it. This story is a series of flashbacks and events throughout Sephiroth's early years, the first years as a SOLDIER and maybe later. I didn't plan on using an OC, but it came out without thinking it much, so I stuck with it.

This first chapter takes place a while after the events of Dirge of Cerberus and will set the beginning of the rest of the story.

Rating may change.

Many squeezing hugs to my beta and pen witch, Claire the Malevolent Duchess *ω*

.net/u/2594235/Claire_the_Malevolent_Duchess

**CHAPTER ONE: MIDGAR **

**[****ν****] – ****εγλ**** 0010**

Gods, I hated this city. I hated it with all my being.

There was nothing in this god forsaken place that could be compared to the sunlit hills of Cosmo Canyon, where I had chosen to live. Grey, appalling, cold stoned buildings that had nothing appealing even when they weren't reduced to rumbles, crumbled roads with the thick atmosphere of gas floating over them as I drove past Edge, suffocating me even if I was in a moving car with the windows rolled all the way down for the wind to rush in. Even though my dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, some locks still managed to find their way out and get in my eyes, tousled from the wind. I shook my head with a sigh but didn't move to restrain them in another way; it wouldn't work for more than two seconds anyway.

I slowed down even more as I moved the car to the side of the road that hadn't been ripped and sunk in the hills bellow and continued driving, keeping an eye on the street margins. When I noticed that my lane was coming to an end, I made a turn to the right and found myself in what used to be an alley back in the days. The buildings around it were barely standing but I made my way through them either way reaching the end of the alley. There were no buildings there anymore, just a pile of rumble blocking it but I could assume that there was only a cliff behind it.

If I wasn't wrong that had to be Sector seven; Sweet Shiva, this place looked even worse than the rest of the ruined city, if that was possible. That had to be the Sector that collapsed first.

I stopped the car once I reached the end of the small alley and I headed towards the opening wrinkling my nose as the smell – no, stench – hit me. A heavy, metallic, bitter scent filled my nose and I was instantly appalled by it even though I was quite used to it as a child. Apparently the mako could not be contained once the reactors were blown to pieces and leaked everywhere, making the survival of any kind of life in the ruins practically impossible; no wonder even rats seemed to have abandoned Midgar. Even if the city was somehow rebuilt I highly doubted that it would be ever habitable again due to the mako; the damage that had been inflicted was too big to be restored. And I could see it, in the way the mangled remains of the city were spreading in front of me.

It was a quite different image from the busy, chaotic one that the city had imprinted in my mind when I had first set my foot there. I'd seen Midgar before it's destruction but that was really so many years ago…

Back then, even if the _mako_ capital was still ugly to my eyes. The hordes of people that populated it never stopped to move frantically on the busy streets filling them with the variety of their voices and faces. Their overwhelming number alone was a sight equal to the city for someone who had never seen Midgar before, a newcomer to the city, as was I at the time.

Now the frantic pace had vanished from the dirty roads – the ones that remained anyway. No luxury, no expensive stores, no businessmen with their briefcases and loud voices as they shouted orders through their new shiny phones. The fine architecture, the cobblestone streets, and flawless entertainment were no longer present in the so called capital of the world.

The upper plate had nothing to distinct it from the slums now. Literally, the city was reduced to nothing but ruins. The slums and the once upper plates were now nothing more than a tangled complex of steel, cement and ruined lives.

I could hardly maneuver the car in the destroyed roads and I knew I could only go that far before the road was cut off completely, but at least I could get a pretty good look of what I wanted, even if I couldn't approach much.

The reason why had I come here after all that happened was still beyond my understanding.

Heh, I must be a true masochist after all. But the feeling that was tormenting me all those weeks just wouldn't go away. The urge was strong; there were places that I just had to see. Places that I had sworn to never lay eyes upon in my life again if I had the choice. But I guess… not everything in life ends up like we hoped to. Definitely doesn't.

And as I let my eyes fully take in the sight of the mangled city, this particular belief only grew stronger. There was no point in trying to avoid the feelings that that stirred inside me, to try and push the pain and grief away as they washed over me making my eyes burn and tears start welling up.

It was quite humorous how much the decimated city resembled what I felt, what turn my life took in such a short time; a few minutes; as much the city of Midgar had taken to be turned in a pile of ugly memories. I didn't feel the urge to laugh though, even if I had the impression that the muffled sound that escaped my lips was something between a sob and laughter.

Seven years. That was how long I was keeping it all back. Maybe not at the beginning, not when the sadness was too much to bear or the loneliness much more frightening than I had expected it to be. But I chose to let it go, let it all go to make it easier. It had seemed so easy when I was far away from here, nothing connecting me to the past. To the people that I wouldn't see ever again.

But it wouldn't be that easy to keep doing that, not when I was standing right here. Every single bad thing that had happened had begun here. From that seventy floor building that was towering over the city even now.

After everything that happened, the goddamn building was still standing! It was too bad explosive devices were not in my expertise or I would gladly reduce it to rumble too, watching it satisfactorily disappearing from the horizon.

The anger I was trying to suppress all those years came back on the surface and it was so much worse now, now that there was nothing I could do.

I couldn't stay here anymore.

I turned abruptly, wiping the tears I had let stream down my face, and got in my car again, waiting for my breathing to settle back to normal and my eyes to decide to stop watering before I brought the car to life.

Throwing the car into reverse, I left the alley and started heading back, towards Edge.

Built on the outskirts of Midgar's deserted ruins, Edge was a city that awfully reminded me of Midgar, of its mechanic, steel look, of its cold feel.

Once there, I didn't feel like driving all the way back to Cosmo Canyon; I wouldn't make it there before nightfall anyway, so staying in Edge a little longer didn't seem like something I could avoid.

Driving through it I couldn't help but remember the first time I walked through Midgar, in an area not much more populated than the one I was passing through now. Back then _he_ was with me of course. He wouldn't let anyone else show me around town.

Not that he was fond of Midgar. The mako capital was not exactly the place he wanted to be at, but it was the only thing my silverette friend would have the chance to show me. I could see in the tiniest shrinkage of this bright eyes, sense it in the way words were flowing out of this mouth with a occasional reluctance, how much he despised that place. He would hesitate every time he would show the spread around reactors, or he was trying to explain the complicated structure of the city. And his eyes would darken every time they would fall on the massive building with the sixty nine floors that was nothing more than his golden cage.

But I could also see his slight happiness and relief that he could finally share a part of this world – no matter how much he despised it – with someone else. His eyes would brighten and his voice would rise louder every time that he would see something that he thought I should know about. As we were walking through the places he considered his haven, the small, hidden stores he was visiting when he was trying to get away from everyone and where he would lose himself for hours, his nimble fingers would abstractedly delve in his unique hair, giving him such a carefree look, one that he wouldn't let often out. His pace was becoming lighter and for some flitting moments the faintest trace of a smile could be seen on his lips, only to disappear again quickly as though it never existed. For all I knew, it was never truly there to begin with.

Sometimes it felt so unfair; to have been deprived of even the slightest of smiles, of the essence of life, of freedom, even happiness. Sometimes it felt enraging, that it had happened and that he did not fight it anymore, that he had surrendered himself to _them_ to tell him how to live. Didn't he care anymore? Had he given up since then? I couldn't help but wonder, but dwelling on it did no good.

So I tried to take my mind off of the memories, things that couldn't change and focus on something else, _anything_ else.

Finding something to kill some hours before I had to look for a place to spend the night was the best option I had to occupy my mind with, so I started wandering through the narrow streets, carefully avoiding looking at the majestic wreck that was towering behind me. It didn't take long to realize that it was going to be way too easy to get lost in them since I had no idea where I was going and, honestly, I _wasn't_ planning on getting lost here.

I was desperate for caffeine at that point and I didn't have a choice but to ask for some advice.

The truth was, I didn't really want to ask the weird looking gang that had occupied the corner but I wasn't really in the mood to drive any more either.

I had started to slow the car down to ask them when a blond girl in a suit came out of a building just after the interjection heading towards the road. Yup, definitely a better choice. I speeded up again catching up with her just before she entered the vehicle that was parked in front of the building entrance and I rolled the window down after stopping the car. She was already moving towards the other car screaming furiously to the direction of what it seemed to be an old, deserted corporation building.

"I'm so leaving you to Rude next time! No more favors for him!"

"Hey!" I called after interrupting her angry shouts and making her head turn abruptly to my direction. She looked at me for a couple of seconds, checking around to make sure that it was her I called for and eyed me worryingly before she came closer.

"Could I help you with something?" she asked when she reached my car.

"Well…" I said looking up on her. Her suit was a little bit burnt around the edges and really dusty on the shoulder pads, not in a very good condition as it looked from where I was. The thick smoke that was emerging from the building's upper floors might have something to do with that but I really didn't care at the time. "Is there any chance you would know a café or restaurant or anything like that around here?"

"_Seventh Heaven_ is just around that corner, yo."

A really dusty redhead came out of the building just when the girl opened her mouth to answer me.

The girl turned to him with an outraged look in her eyes, making him back away a little bit.

"Don't look at me like that, yo! The bomb went off a little early. It's not like you got killed or anything!"

That _yo… _

I took a closer look at the guy and nearly gasped when I realized who he was. Wow, I hadn't seen him in many years but he hadn't appeared to be changed. And the blonde must be one of _them_ too, if the navy blue suit was something to judge of.

Having absolutely no desire to be recognized I stepped on the gas and moved away from them.

"Thanks!" I called as the moving car put a distance between us. I hoped he wouldn't recognize my voice, after all many years had passed but again… Turks were exactly that; Turks. I wasn't exactly in the mood for them now… or ever actually, so I kept driving.

When I made the turn, I saw – as Reno had promised - a small bar not far from where I was. Other than a sign above the entrance there was nothing else to help locate the bar, hidden as it was among the steel scaffolds and similar buildings. I could read the words _Seventh Heaven_ on the round plate above the door. Hmm, kind of a cute name.

I parked the car a few meters away and grab my jacket before I got out and locked the door. Throwing my jacket on, even if it seemed unnecessary due to the short distance I had to cover, I made my way to the bar. I'd only made a few steps when the door opened abruptly and a young girl stepped outside with a furious look on her face. Her short hair was being tousled from the wind and she ran a hand through them to tame them before she gave an angry grunt and gave up. I looked at her and was surprised at how little clothing she wore in such a weather; it wasn't slutty by no means but her little shorts and short top didn't look as they did much to protect her from the cold. Okay, it wasn't _that_ cold but I definitely wouldn't dare dressing like that, and cold never affected me that much.

Without seeming to notice the slight chill, she walked away from the bar muttering something I couldn't hear from where I was standing. However, I was sure it wasn't very nice.

She walked right next to me without casting a glance towards my direction and disappeared behind the building still muttering something incomprehensible.

Not really caring, I covered the distance to the bar and pushed the door which opened with a chiming sound. The bar was almost empty, only a table occupied and a stool in front of the bar which was taken by a blond guy with goggles, having a chat with the barwoman. The girl had long shiny black hair that reached her waist, she was dressed only with a black top that revealed a strap of skin along her waist and I noticed a thin pink ribbon tied around her upper left arm; as well as the man's in front of her. Her long hair swirled around as she turned to smile at me when the sound of the door opening got her attention.

I smiled back at her and I went to a nearby table where dropped my jacket and my bag on one of the couches before I walked over to the bar and gave my order.

Right at that time a muffled beeping sound turned my attention to my cell phone and I walked back to my table giving another smile to the girl behind the counter while fiddling in my pockets to find it. Fishing it out I looked at the screen before I flipped it open and raised it.

"Yes, Dale?" I asked already expecting the lecture that was to come.

"_Aria, where the hell are you?"_

"D-"

"_Ah, couldn't you wait until the rehearsals were over before you took off like that? I mean… come on!"_

"I just had to do something, it's not like I'm going to be gone for a long time", I sighed at his desperate tone and knew the energetic teen wasn't going to calm down any time soon.

"_Butbutbutbutbutbutbut-"_

"Look, I'm going to be back tomorrow, okay? We'll get everything finished then, alright?"

"_But…"_

"Alright?" I asked again with a more pressing tone.

"_Whateeever",_ he mumbled and I heard a little 'click' before the line went dead.

With a small chuckle I put the phone aside on the smooth surface of the table and leaned back for the girl to place my order on the table. Just when I was about to thank her, the door opened and the little chime made me look.

A young boy had walked in the bar – boy could be a wrong definition as I assumed he was in his early twenties but his face was so soft and cute that he looked much younger – dressed in black and blue, with big sky blue eyes and the spikiest blond hair I had ever seen.

"Hiya, Cloud" came the greeting from the man at the bar.

"Cloud!" The girl quickly left her tray at a nearby table and walked towards him to greet him. "You're back early".

Cloud lowered his head and nodded towards something in his hands. "Hey, Tifa. I just had to get it", he whispered and raised his arm, what he was holding now visible to me.

The cup that I had started raising to my lips escaped my fingers and landed on the floor with an audible crash spilling its content on the hard floor.

Even graced with old age and a thick veil of rust, the sword that was in his hands was just so uniquely made that no damage or change could alter it so much that I couldn't recognize it. Its shining base, with the embossed curves had lost the golden color that once decorated it and its wide blade was no longer smooth and immaculate but scratched, dirty and ruthlessly attacked by rust.

Coming to Edge was certain to wake the old memories in me but until now I hadn't faced the whole extend of it. Since I stationed myself as away from Midgar as I thought possible, I had thoroughly tried to block all my emotions away, push all the grieving and torturous memories aside, close my whole in a protective little cave where nothing could reach me anymore, where its flooding waters could remain pacified.

And I had succeeded. Its gleaming, smooth surface would be calm, immobile most of the time, only a droplet would slip rarely from the hermetically closed dome and shake the dark waters and now, in a mere matter of seconds, that same dome came rumbling down, its heavy debris crashing in the water, attacked and devoured by dark creatures.

There, in the place where the so difficultly achieved peace once reigned, now was only chaos.

Why had I even set foot in here? Why? How did that guy dare to hold that sword, now far from its old immaculate self? Rage washed over me for a second and I rushed to the door where he and the girl had stopped their chat when I dropped the cup and looked at me.

"Why, why do you have this sword? Who gave it to you?" I almost screamed to him.

The boy looked at me confused and then turned to look at the man who was sitting at bar as if he was waiting for an explanation. The man just shrugged and turned his eyes back on me as had everyone else in the bar at the moment.

The blond crossed his arms in his chest with the sword still trapped between them.

"Excuse me?" he finally said, a tinge of annoyance now painting his voice.

"That", I shouted pointing at the sword, "is not yours!"

"Huh?" This time the confusion had returned fully to his features.

"Not yours!" I repeated getting impatient.

Tifa leaned towards me. "I'm sorry but that…"

"What makes you think that?" the blond, Cloud, said interrupting her gaze on me.

"Because I know whose it really is… was", I corrected myself reluctantly.

Suddenly his stance change; his fingers stopped gripping on the hilt so hard, his whole face contorted and he took a step closer.

"You… you knew its previous owner?" he asked hesitantly.

How could I not, when I knew _him_ so well?

How many times had I seen Angeal polishing that same hilt the man was holding, with an adoring expression on his sun kissed face? How many times had I watched that blade launch attack after attack aiming for _him_ every time they spared? Didn't I know it's every curve and dip? As I knew so many other things?

"I knew… I knew them both", I managed to say leaning back to hold on the back of the couch.

My whirling mind couldn't keep the flashing, yet painfully vivid images at bay as my vision blurred with them, filling everything, taking me back regardless of how hard I was trying to hold on to now…

**A/N:** If that was confusing, things will clear up later^^. Please let me know what you think, reviews really keep me going ^_^


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